More and more e-mails are arriving in my in-box from people who hate cold calling. Here's what they're saying:

Cold calling terrifies me.

The phone feels like a 10,000-pound weight.

Every time I have to make a cold call, I freeze up.

I feel like a fraud when Im cold calling.

I cant take the rejection when I do cold calling. It just kills me.

Ive gone from top producer to hermit because of my mental brick wall when it comes to cold calling.

Cold calling the old way is a painful struggle.

But you can make it a productive and positive experience by changing your mindset and cold calling the new way.

To show you what I mean, here are 7 tested cold calling ideas that even the sales gurus dont know.

1. Change Your Mental Objective Before You Make the Call

If youre like most people who make cold calls, youre hoping to make a sale -- or at least an appointment -- before you even pick up the phone.

The problem is, the people you call somehow always pick up on your mindset immediately.

They sense that youre focused on your goals and interests, rather than on finding out what they might need or want.

This short-circuits the whole process of communication and trust-building.

Heres the benefit of changing your mental objective before you make the call: it takes away the frenzy of working yourself up mentally to pick up the phone.

All the feelings of rejection and fear come from us getting wrapped up in our expectations and hoping for an outcome when its premature to even be thinking about an outcome.

So try this. Practice shifting your mental focus to thinking, When I make this call, Im going to build a conversation so that a level of trust can emerge allowing us to exchange information back and forth so we can both determine if theres a fit or not.

2. Understand the Mindset of the Person Youre Calling

Lets say youre at your office and youre working away.

Your phone rings and someone says, Hello, my names Mark. Im with Financial Solutions International. We offer a broad array of financial solutions. Do you have a few minutes?

What would go through your mind?

Probably something like this: Uh-oh, another salesperson. Im about to be sold something. How fast can I get this person off the phone?

In other words, its basically over at Hello, and you end up rejected.

The moment you use the old cold calling approach -- the traditional pitch about who you are and what you have to offer, which all the sales gurus have been teaching for years -- you trigger the negative salesperson stereotype in the mind of the person youve called, and that means immediate rejection.

I call it The Wall.

The problem is with how youre selling, not what youre selling.

This is an area thats been ignored in the world of selling.

Weve all been trained to try to push prospects into a "yes" response on the first call. But that creates sales pressure.

But, if you learn to really understand and put yourself in the mindset of the person you call, youll find it easier to avoid triggering The Wall.

Its that fear of rejection that makes cold calling so frightening.

Instead, start thinking about language that will engage people and not language that will trigger rejection.

3. Identify a Core Problem That You Can Solve

Weve all learned that when we begin a conversation with a prospect, we should talk about ourselves, our product, and our solution. Then we sort of hope that the person connects with what weve just told them. Right?

But when you offer your pitch or your solution without first involving your prospect by talking about a core problem that they might be having, youre talking about yourself, not them.

And thats a problem.

Prospects connect when they feel that you understand their issues before you start to talk about your solutions.

When people feel understood, they dont put up The Wall. They remain open to talking with you.

Heres an example based on my own experience. I offer Unlock The Game as a new approach in selling. When I call a vice president of sales, I would never start out with, Hi, my name is Ari, I'm with Unlock The Game, and I offer the newest technique in selling, and I wonder if you have a few minutes to talk now.

Instead, I wouldnt even pick up the phone without first identifying one or more problems that I know VPs often have with their sales teams. Problems that Unlock The Game can solve.

For example, one common problem is when sales teams and salespeople spend time chasing prospects who have no intention of buying.

So I would start by asking, Are you grappling with issues around your sales team chasing prospects who lead them on without any intention of buying?

So, come up with two or three specific core problems that your product or service solves. (Avoid generic problem phrases like cut costs or increase revenue. Theyre too vague.)

4. Start With a Dialogue, Not a Presentation

Lets return to the goal of a cold call, which is to create a two-way dialogue engaging prospects in a conversation.

Were not trying to set the person up for a yes or no. Thats the old way of cold calling.

This new cold calling approach is designed to engage people in a natural conversation. The kind you might have with a friend. This lets you both of you decide whether its worth your time to pursue the conversation further.

The key here is never to assume beforehand that your prospect should buy what you have to offer, even if theyre a 100 percent fit with the profile of the perfect customer.

If you go into the call with that assumption, prospects will pick up on it and The Wall will go up, no matter how sincere you are.

Avoid assuming anything about making a sale before you make a call.

For one thing, you have no idea whether prospects can buy what you have because you know nothing about their priorities, their decisionmaking process, their budget, etc.

If you assume that youre going to sell them something on that first call, youre setting yourself up for failure. Thats the core problem with traditional old-style cold calling.

Stay focused on opening a dialogue and determining if it makes sense to continue the conversation.

5. Start With Your Core Problem Question

Once you know what problems you solve, you also know exactly what to say when you make a call. Its simple. You begin with, Hi, my name is Ari. Maybe you can help me out for a moment.

How would you respond if someone said that to you?

Probably, Sure, how can I help you? or Sure, what do you need? Thats how most people would respond to a relaxed opening phrase like that. Its a natural reaction.

The thing is, when you ask for help, youre also telling the truth because you dont have any idea whether you can help them or not.

Thats why this new approach is based on honesty and truthfulness. Thats why youre in a very good place to begin with.

When they reply, Sure, how can I help you?, you dont respond by launching into a pitch about what you have to offer. Instead, you go right into talking about the core problem to find out whether its a problem for the prospect.

So you say, Im just giving you a call to see if you folks are grappling (and the key word here is grappling) with any issues around your sales team chasing prospects who turn out to never have any intention of buying?

No pitch, no introduction, nothing about me. I just step directly into their world.

The purpose of my question is to open the conversation and develop enough trust so theyll feel comfortable having a conversation.

The old way of cold calling advises asking lots of questions to learn about the prospects business and to connect. The problem is that people see right through that. They know that you have an ulterior motive, and then youre right back up against The Wall.

These ideas may be hard for you to apply to your own situation at first because trying to leverage calls based on what we know about our solution is so engrained in our thinking.

If you stay with it, though, you can learn to step out of your own solution and convert it into a problem that you can articulate using your prospects language.

And thats the secret of building trust on calls. Its the missing link in the whole process of cold calling.

6. Recognize and Diffuse Hidden Pressures

Hidden sales pressures that makes The Wall go up can take a lot of forms.

For example, enthusiasm can send the message that youre assuming that what you have is the right fit for the prospect. That can send pressure over the phone to your prospect.

You must be able to engage people in a natural conversation. Think of it as calling a friend. Let your voice be natural, calm, relaxedeasy-going. If you show enthusiasm on your initial call, youll probably trigger the hidden sales pressure that triggers your prospect to reject you.

Another element of hidden pressure is trying to control the call and move it to a "next step".

The moment you begin trying to direct your prospect into your "sales process ", there is a very high likelihood that you can "turn off" your prospect's willingness to share with you the details of their situation.

It's important to allow the conversation to evolve naturally and to have milestones or checkpoints throughout your call so you can assess if there is a fit between you and the person you are speaking with.

7. Determine a Fit

Now, suppose that youre on a call and its going well, with good dialogue going back and forth. Youre reaching a natural conclusionand what happens?

In the old way of cold calling, we panic. We feel were going to lose the opportunity, so we try to close the sale or at least to book an appointment. But this puts pressure on the prospect, and you run the risk of The Wall going up again.

Heres a step that most people miss when they cold call. As soon as they realize that prospects have a need for their solution, they start thinking, Great, that means theyre interested.

What they dont ask is, Is this need a top priority for you or your organization to solve, or is it something thats on the back burner for a while?

In other words, even if you both determine that there ia a problem you can solve, you have to ask whether solving it is a priority. Sometimes theres no budget, or it isnt the right time. Its important that you find this out, because months later you'll regret not knowing this earlier.

Putting the Pieces Together

Have you ever wondered where the numbers game concept came from?

It came from someone making a call, getting rejected, and the boss saying, Call someone else.

But with the new way of cold calling, its not about how many people you call. Its about what you say and how you come across.

Do you remember the definition of insanitycontinuing to do the same thing but expecting different results?

If you go on using the same old cold calling methods, youll go on experiencing the ever-increasing pain of selling.

But if you adopt a new approach and learn how to remove pressure from your initial cold calls, youll experience so much success and satisfaction that itll really change the way you do business, bring you sales success beyond your imaginationand eliminate rejection from your vocabulary for good.